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Archive for February, 2011

by E. E. Cummings

 

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear;

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

 

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;

which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

 

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)


Has it really been seven years since we became one? People say there should be an itch. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t describe it like that, but I’m not sure exactly just how to describe it. I do know that I take you for granted. Your easy-goingness, your forgiving nature, the fact that you give the benefit of the doubt to people that I would so easily judge for bad… I forget that all that you are is everything that I ever needed in life. With my critical attitude, I treat you like you are not enough, but the truth is, you’re much more than I could ever deserve. I react with jealousy because I’m afraid this won’t last – because I’ve never known good things to last. I have a long way to go, and I know it, and I thank you for your patience. Thank you for being so much of the good in me.

I love you. Happy anniversary.

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1 Month Old

He’s been with us for a mere month and already I can’t remember life without him – nor can I imagine life without him, for that matter. He had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and weighs 11 lb. 14 oz., which means he’s gained 3 lbs since his birth (despite battling a cold recently). It’s amazing how infant weight gain can be such a source of pride for a mother. There’s nothing like bragging how big your baby is compared to other babies. 🙂 The doctor put him on his tummy to test his neck strength and was surprised at how well and long he pushed his head up. He’s got three older sisters to protect, so strength will be a definite asset. Even though he’s the baby, I imagine him taking care of all of his sisters one day.

His cold started out pretty innocent, as far as symptoms go, but today a wretched sounding cough started. I cringe each time I hear it, and my one remedy so far is to pick him up and kiss the fat on his neck and cheeks – as if I could actually love the sickness right out of him. I don’t know why it wouldn’t work, actually, since holding him seems to make everything better, no matter what’s bothering him. He’s a delightful baby and loves being near me. Sometimes, when I’m at my most exhausted, I put him next to me in bed, his head on the pillow next to mine. He faces me, our noses practically touching, and we fall to sleep breathing each other’s breath.

The girls are loving him more every day. Jolie and Tess practically smother him, and I’m constantly reminding them not to touch his face. Jolie recently discovered and pondered his male anatomy and asked, “Why is his pee so…” she paused to find the right word, “…ruined?” After I recovered from that one I got to explain a few things. Oh the joys of parenting. As far as my fantasy of Everett protecting his sisters goes – ruined pee-pee or not – Jolie has total confidence in him. I was going upstairs to get Tess from Isaac the other day and Jolie said she’d go with me so I wouldn’t be scared. “I’m not scared,” I told her, “Jesus is with me.” “Well, I’m scared.” she said. Then she remembered her sleeping brother downstairs. “Oh, nevermind. I’m not scared. Everett’s down there.”

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